i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
