i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Randomize
