btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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