Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
