I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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