I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
