it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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