The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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