Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
