i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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