Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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