Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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