I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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