In the future we'll all be gay
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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