If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
