he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
