While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
