i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
