You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
