I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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