I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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