somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wish I only lived at night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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