Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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