tell your sister to shave her snatch
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
