i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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