she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
we should paint friendship bongs
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