win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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