Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
