she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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