Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This is my gift to your gina
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
