tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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