i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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