What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
