I hate your face
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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