I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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