To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
