He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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