How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just pee around me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
