So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
