His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
