So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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