Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
