I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
