I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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