Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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