Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
