I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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