It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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