i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
