There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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