shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
