Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
