Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
