another moral hangover. fuck.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
