I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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