Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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