my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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