what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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