Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
