I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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