The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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