he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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