I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
