My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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