I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
