so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
