You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
