Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
