is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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