omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Randomize
