none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
