I feel great
I just peed on a car
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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