last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
