just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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