Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
