I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
