The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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