i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize