You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize