what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
